Spy Life
by elan0rjoy
Summary: All-human assassin/spy AUs based on a Tumblr prompt list. Prompt 7: "The fake engagement AU (Inspired by The Man from U.N.C.L.E)."
1. Could You Please Stop

11\. "There is a guy who keeps protecting my targets from me, who are you and can you stop now"

Theresa Gray was not known for her sharp shooting, even though she was an excellent sharp shooter. She was not known for her hand-to-hand combat, even though she had used her bare hands to snap bones. She was not known for her skill with poisons, or explosives, or knives, or guns.

She was known for getting the job done.

She had joined La Miroir, one of the best private risk management agency in the country, when she was seventeen and she was damn good at her job. She had uncanny talents that let her blend in with her surroundings and made people forget she wasn't one of their best friends. And then, depending on her clients wishes, she stole from them or bugged their bedrooms or slapped handcuffs on them and turned them over to the CIA.

Her current target was one Axel Mortmain, suspected international terrorist and all around bad guy. The agency had actually had three clients who wanted him dead and the owner had no qualms with taking all of their money in order to make him so. She did not kill people, that was specifically in her contract, but she had been deemed the only one at La Miroir who was skilled enough to bring him in.

It would have been relatively simple. She'd had plenty of similar jobs to this before. It was usually a simple matter, just enough distraction to incapacitate her target and call for back up. La Miroir had an excellent extraction team and it was always a swift and efficient process that let her go home to her book within a few hours.

Not so with Axel Mortmain. It wasn't that _he_ was the problem. He was incredibly dangerous, yes, but he was also arrogant and that made men stupid. She'd been tailing him for a week and had his security detail figured out. One big guy with a froglike expression and superhuman strength and two women who were incredibly ugly and spoke almost exclusively in Russian. But they weren't her problem.

Her problem was he man he was doing business with, James Carstairs. If she had met him in a different situation, she would have said he was gorgeous and would have stammered if she'd gotten up the nerve to ask him for his phone number. He was tall and slim and there was a streak of silver in his dark hair that she wanted to touch and a British accent that sent shivers down her spine. He was some sort of a tech typhoon and _his_ security was incredibly tight for a private citizen with no criminal record. It seemed like he was going out of his way to make Mortmain feel safe during their, which had proven to be incredibly annoying.

After three fruitless attempts to reach Mortmain in any sort of clandestine manner, her agency sent her information regarding a charity fundraiser that he was on the guest list to attend. It wasn't ideal, but it was out of Carstair's impenetrable office and penthouse, both of which she'd tried and failed to infiltrate.

She didn't have any other options. Her best chance of getting Mortmain away from Carstairs long enough for her team to extract him was this gala. So, she'd donated enough money to the Children's Hospital to warrant an immediate invitation, donned a ridiculously sexy grey silk dress that did not to hide her shape and still managed to hide the stun gun and throwing knives, put up her hair with poisoned-tipped pins and gone to the party.

It was an insanely boring affair, all quiet murmuring while jazz played softly in the background. James Carstairs was there at Mortmain's table, looking absurdly sexy in a black tux. There was a decent chance that she'd blow this lead simply because she couldn't stop herself from staring at him. She pretended to drink champagne and ate too many bacon wrapped scallops. She watched Mortmain, who'd only brought the muscle, not the Russians, and tried to figure out how a man could donate money to the Children's Hospital and want to blow up the next United Nations Summit.

She did not stare at James Carstairs.

The hospital's director was giving a speech when Mortmain excused himself from his table and slipped into the hall without his man. She made herself count to thirty before she followed him. By the time she made it to the hall, he had disappeared. She swore, eased off her shoes, and pulled the stun gun from it's thigh holster. She had only taken a few steps when a voice said in her ear.

"Please don't kill him. That would make my job so much more difficult."

She spun around and slammed James Carstairs into the wall. She was damn annoyed now and her target was getting away and he smelled incredible.

"Do you have any idea how incredibly dangerous Mortmain is?" she hissed, pressing the muzzle of the gun into his throat. "He wants to use your tech to destroy the U.N.! If you'll just let me do my job, my people can stop that from happening."

"That's what I'm here to stop too," His British accent and breath in her hair almost made her miss what he was saying. "Jem Carstairs, MI6."

She let go of him abruptly. "You're kidding me."

He shrugged elegantly. "I wish I were, Miss…"

"Grey."

"Miss Grey, my people have been trying to figure out how he plans on destroying the U.N. so we can stop him."

"Then we're after the same thing," she said, launching herself down the hall. He caught the hand not holding the gun and pulled her to a stop.

"Not quite." He dropped her hand and straightened the front of his shirt. She tried not to get distracted by the layers of muscle that were apparent even under the starched linen. 'It would seem that you just want him dead, whereas I want the information he has yet to give me. He wants the tech, yes, but we don't know what he wants to do with it. It's imperative that we find out."

She regarded him in the moonlight. She believed him. "Maybe we can help each other. My clients want him dead, that's true, but there's no reason we can't work together to collect that information, if MI6 is willing to hand him over to us."

He gave her a long look before his face broke into a smile.

"I think we can come to some sort of an arrangement."


	2. One Night Stand-Next Assignment

10\. The one night stand you had last night? That's your target.

If you had told Will Herondale he'd meet his next one night stand at a book signing, he would have laughed in your face.

Not because he didn't think it was possible, but because, as a general rule, Will didn't do one night stands. When he went to bars-which was rare-he flirted, he teased, he danced, he bought drinks for women and waved when the bartender pointed him out. But at the end of the night, he either walked them or paid for their cab ride home.

But they'd stood in line next to each other for more three hours. He'd started talking because he was bored and she'd smirked at him. By the time they reached the front of the line, they'd talked about all their favorite books and coffee shops and learned they both had family in London and he'd fallen in love with her laughter. Afterwards it was eleven p.m. and he'd taken her to his favorite diner where they'd had burgers and pie and he'd fallen even more in love with her. And after that he'd held her hand when he walked her home and she'd blushed adorably when she invited him up.

He hadn't been able to say no and she'd brought him to the coziest loft he'd even been in. They'd had wine and she kissed him first and this morning he woke up in her bed with sunlight streaming through sheer curtains and his phone ringing insistently from where it was still in his pants pocket across the room.

She murmured something incoherent and burrowed her head beneath the pillows. He was loathe to leave her bed. It was hugely more comfortable than his own and her sheets were so soft and the naked girl in it was perfect in every possible way, even if her head was buried beneath a mountain of pillows at the moment. But his phone kept ringing and he wasn't sure if she was a morning person and if she wasn't he didn't want her to be angry with him.

He stumbled across the room, taking in the bits he'd missed when he'd been absorbed in her soft skin the night before. There were pictures scattered across the built-in vanity where, if his sister was any kind of example, other girls would keep their makeup and hair brushes. She'd used beautiful and exotic looking tapestries to cover the white walls and his feet were on a very old Persian rug. It was the kind of room that looked like it help a thousand secrets and it reminded him of her smile.

He didn't get to his phone in time to answer it before the call went to voicemail, but the number was from the General. Fortunately, the message was short. He had a new assignment and was going to be debriefed on the files in his email at 13:00. He glanced up at the clock on the wall as the General blathered on about the importance of this mission and how it was vital to national security that he not be late and grinned. It was only nine now.

He pulled on his pants and his undershirt and poked around her equally cozy and brightly decorated kitchen for tea things. Her kitchen was laid out much like his own and making tea and toast was as easy there as it would have been in his own kitchen.

He brought her breakfast in bed and she smiled at him when he pushed a mug of tea into her hands and kissed her forehead. It didn't feel like the morning after a one night stand. It felt like they'd been having breakfast in bed with each other for years. They'd spent the morning cuddling and talking and having more sex before she'd sighed and told him that she had to get ready for work. When he began collecting his things, she took his arm and pulled him into the tiny bathroom with her.

The shower was barely big enough to hold one person, but they'd managed. She washed his hair for him and sighed when he massaged soap into her back and shoulders. She'd moaned into his ear that she _really_ needed to get ready for work, but he cut her off with a kiss. There had been more sexing while the water went from screaming hot to icy cold and they were both shivering for reasons other than the cold water when they were done.

She'd braided her hair and brushed her teeth and sheepishly offered him her toothbrush in a gesture that seemed more intimate to him than anything they'd done that morning or the night before. When they finally got dressed they exchanged numbers and promised to call later that day.

He'd barely made it to the sidewalk in front of her building when she'd texted him a smiley face and a "Can't wait to see you tonight." that had left him smiling all the way to Castle. He was so occupied with planning the proper date he'd take her on soon that he didn't bother to open the files in his email.

He was a little early to the meeting, and instead of checking his email, he used the databases at his disposal to see when her favorite author was coming to town next. The General arrived just as he'd finished printing off the intel necessary to reach out to the author at home. When he admitted that he hadn't read the files first, the General rolled her eyes and tossed a thick manila envelope at him. He was almost humming when he opened it, but the notes got stuck in his throat.

Tessa, the girl he'd spent the night and the morning with, was peering up at him from a rap sheet a mile long.


	3. You're Not Who I'm Suppsed to Kill

5\. "My apologies, but, upon further inspection, it looks like you are indeed not the person I was hired to kill." AU Jessa

 _Will would have been much better suited to this mission_ , Jem thought as he surveyed the Wolf Creek Resort and Ski Lodge in Pagosa Springs, Colorado. His partner, Will, was much better at wooing women into taking their clothes off. Or so he claimed. They had been partners for years, but Jem had yet to actually see anything that backed up all Will's bad boy talk. Not that Will wasn't good at flirting, but he was also good at getting slapped. It made Jem wonder.

In any case, Will was still a much better choice for this mission, but Will was in Wales meeting his new niece and when the lead on Carolina Carter came up, Jem was already in the area, so they'd sent him. No one knew exactly what Carolina Carter looked like, save for a scar on her upper thigh. It was apparently a souvenir from her first assassination mission, and to celebrate it's success, she'd had the scar outlined in black ink before it faded.

She'd been laying low since her dealings with some very important businessmen in Colombia had gone sour. The tip that she was in Colorado was the first anyone had heard of her in six months. Jem was supposed to be on leave. He'd been in Colorado for Bowdoin International Music Festival and wasn't particularly happy that Carolina Carter had decided to show up two days before Janine Jansen, violin virtuoso and Jem's reason for being there, had been scheduled to do a workshop.

His mission was simple. Find the girl who'd signed in as Tessa Grey. Get her to reveal her upper right thigh. If she had the tattoo, shoot her immediately. It made him sick every time he killed people, even though he only killed the worst sort of people, those who killed innocents and made children into orphans and kicked puppies. It didn't matter to his unconscious mind though. Dreams of killing haunted him.

He squared his shoulders and walked into the lodge's cantina. He knew who he was looking for, knew that the girl who called herself Tessa Grey was pretty, even through the grainy pictures from surveillance cameras, but he wasn't prepared to see her in person. He took a seat at the bar and asked for a brandy. He watched her while he drank, letting the drink warm him from the inside out.

His instincts told him this girl wasn't Carolina Carter. This girl was bundled up in a sweater and leggings and the fuzziest boots he'd ever seen. She was seated alone at a small table, reading a book whose title he couldn't see. Every so often she'd reach out and grab a tortilla chip from the basket in front of her, but she appeared to completely absorbed in that book. The photos from her file couldn't have prepared him. They didn't show how thick her dark hair was or how it shone under the lights. They didn't show how her eyes sparkled when she smiled at something in her book or the elegant slope of her neck when she drained the last of her margarita.

When he finished his drink, he crossed the room and sank into the chair across from her. No, the photos couldn't have possibly prepared him for her, or for the way she jumped out of her skin when he sat down or for the way she'd all but glared at him for interrupting her.

He took a deep, steadying breath and tried to act like Will. Will was always nonchalant and charming. Will always knew what he wanted and how to get it. Will wouldn't have gotten hung up on the way the flush of annoyance crept across her pale skin. Will would have remembered that she was a possibly cold-blooded killer with beautiful eyes and would have said something by now instead of just staring at her like an idiot.

"I'm Jem," he blurted out, and then regretted it. He was Jem to Will, to Charlotte and Henry and Jessamine. To the rest of the world, especially to potentially dangerous criminal masterminds with a penchant for cutting people into small pieces, he was James Carstairs.

She stared at him for a full minute, her head cocked to the side. The back of his neck began to burn as a blush crept up it towards his ears. She finally smiled a little, closed her book, and extended her small hand to him. "Hello, Jem. I'm Tessa."

"I've never seen anyone so absorbed in a book before," he said. It was mostly true. Every now and then Will found a book he couldn't put down, but, even then, he was still aware of what was happening around him. "What's it about?"

"Colombian drug lords," she said without batting an eyelash and his heart skipped a beat. But then she smiled broadly and handed him the book. Gothic text revealed that the title was _Winter_ and a quick glance at the back confirmed that it was some sort of sci-fi fantasy book, not a text on shady Colombian politics. He let go of a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

"It seems very interesting," he said, thumbing through the first few pages and surreptitiously planted a microscopic tracking device somewhere in the first chapter. "I wouldn't want to keep you from it."

He handed this book back to her and stood up. This sort of thing always worked for Will. His partner called it the first taste. He'd strike up a short conversation with a girl and then suddenly walk away. Within thirty seconds the girl would be chasing after him and asking to buy him a drink. It worked every damn time.

Of course, Will was a walking Adonis and girls tripped over themselves to get his attention. Jem swore at himself for thinking that it would have worked for him. He was halfway to his room when a voice stopped him.

"I think I've had enough of Colombian drug lords for one night."

He turned around and grinned at her before closing the distance between them and kissing her squarely on the mouth. This was entirely Will's borrowed confidence. This was most certainly not something he was used to doing. He expected her to pull back and slap him before screaming to the hotel manager to call the police.

But she didn't. Shockingly, she kissed him back.

She tasted like tequila and salt and her lips were soft and warm. He couldn't help but wrap his arms around her and kiss her back. He told himself it was because this was also because of Infiltration and Inducement training and not because she smelled so good. This was something Will did all the time. Distract the target with sex and then, when they were most vulnerable, do what needed to be done.

These were not things he wanted to be thinking about. He wanted to be enjoying the way she felt in his arms and not wondering how those dainty hands had pulled the triggers that ended lives. He wanted to think about how her silky hair slid through his fingers and not about the multiple guns and knives strapped to his person. He most certainly didn't want to think about what he'd have to do with those guns and knives if she had the tattoo on her leg.

And that would be the hardest part. Because if she had the tattoo on her leg, he was going to have to kill her. And if she didn't...he wasn't sure what he was going to do.

The logistics of the whole thing were ones he'd never had to deal with before. If she were Carolina Carter, she would certainly be suspicious. If she invited him to her room, she'd probably end up killing him. Of course, he'd have more of an advantage if they went to his room, but how much of an advantage could one really have over an international terrorist?

"I've never done this, ever," he said against her lips and they were completely and totally honest. He'd never done anything like this before. "But would you like to come up to my room?"

She stiffened in his arms and he prepared himself to be slapped. But she surprised him again by burying her face in the crook of his neck and whispering a very quiet "yes."

In any other situation, Jem would have sent her on her way. She wasn't drunk enough not to care and this made the situation infinitely more complicated. But there was still the possibility that he was holding Carolina Carter in his arms and, as far as anyone knew, she might very well be a shy teen lit fan with a penchant for margaritas. Even if he doubted very much that he was holding Carolina Carter in his arms, his superiors would want proof.

He led her by the hand to the elevator. As soon as the door closed behind them, she was kissing him again and he let himself freefall into the kiss even though he was sure it was bad idea. But they were in the elevator and he knew from his research on the building that it would be impossible for anyone to drop from the ceiling if she decided to attack him. Actually, it was one of the safer places in the entire building. So, he kissed her and ran his fingers through her thick hair and enjoyed the little mewling sound she made when he took her lower lip between his teeth and savored the way her hands ran over him.

The elevator ride was over too soon and once they were in his room, things happened quickly. He offered her a drink, which she accepted. While he was pouring, he dropped a fast acting form of rohypnol into hers. By the time he'd finished with the drinks, she'd already removed her boots and sweater and was sitting crosslegged on his bed in a clingy camisole and leggings that did nothing to hide her shape from him.

She accepted the drink and drained it one gulp. He caught her when she collapsed and eased her back onto the bed, brushing her hair away from her face as he settled her against the pillows.

He couldn't procrastinate, but he wanted to. He used one of his smallest knives to cut a hole in the thigh of her flannel leggings. A big hole. It reveal a lot of her creamy skin, but no sign of a tattoo. He cut another hole in the other leg, just to make sure, and breathed a deep sigh of relief. This was not Carolina Carter.

He gathered her things and found that she'd used her keycard as a bookmark before he scooped her up into his arms. It wasn't difficult to manage her dead weight, but it was harder than he'd anticipated to carry her and her fluffy boots at the same time. Thankfully, her room was on the same floor as his and he was able to get her into it without dropping anything.

He'd just tucked her into her bed and kissed her on the forehead when a very angry Colombian burst through her window.

When Tessa Grey woke up, she was not in her bed at the Wolf Creek Lodge. Not even close. She was laying on a hospital bed in a tiny room with bright florescent lights, plain white walls, and the beautiful man from the cantina watching her from where he was leaning against the wall.

"Jem." His name was the only thing she knew about him other than the fact that he looked sexy as hell, even though his shirt was wrinkled and torn and stained with...was that blood?

"What happened?" she asked as she pushed herself up. She felt hungover, in fact, her head was pounding like a bitch, but not like she'd drank so much that she needed to be hospitalized. If anything, he looked like he should be in this hospital bed. "Are you alright?"

He'd crossed the room in two steps and was suddenly kneeling next her bed. She could see now that bruises were forming across one of his cheeks and there was a bit of dried blood beneath his nose.

"How do you feel?" he asked, ignoring her questions. "Are you thirsty?"

"I'm okay. A little embarrassed about not remembering how I got here." She gave him a pointed look that he ignored, "but okay."

He ran a hand through his hair and she noticed that his knuckles were cut and bruised too. "Are you sure you wouldn't like something to drink? Those drugs can dehydrate you pretty quickly."

"Drugs?" she all but shrieked and he blanched slightly. Her mind spun in maddening circles. She remembered meeting him at the bar. She remembered taking a shot of tequila before running after him. She remembered kissing him in the hall and the elevator and sitting on his bed in just her leggings and camisole. She'd been nervous because she didn't usually go about kissing random hot men. She'd drunk the brandy he'd given her in one gulp and it'd burned all the way to her toes. But she didn't remember anything else. What had she done? She tried pot once, in college, but hadn't been able to get over the smell. She couldn't imagine doing something like ecstasy or heroin, not even if she was blackout drunk. Was _that_ why her head hurt so damn badly?

"What exactly do you mean by _drugs_?"

He steepled his long fingers together and bit his lip. After a moment, he said, "It would seem that you are, in fact, not Carolina Carter."

"Excuse me?"

"This is going to sound ridiculous, but if you'll just...stay with me until I'm through..." He looked at her beseechingly and, to her surprise, she found herself nodding. He smiled briefly and pulled a card out of his breast pocket and handed it to her. "My name is James Carstairs and I am a member of MI6." She gaped and he rushed on before she could speak. "We got a tip two days ago that Carolina Carter, a international criminal mastermind that no one's ever actually seen was in Pagosa Springs at the Wolf Creek Lodge. For some reason, my superiors thought that Carolina Carter was you. My mission was to, uh…" He had the grace to look sheepish. "..to get to know you well enough to see your thighs, where the real Carolina Carter has a distinguishing tattoo and then shoot you if did."

Tessa stared at him, her brain trying to catch up with everything that he'd just told her. "So you…"

"Drugged you and cut up your leggings enough to see that you do not have any such tattoo. I was going to bring you to your room and leave you a note, but there was this Colombian in your room who apparently thought you were Carolina Carter too. Then there was this truly amazing fight that's definitely going to cost my government a lot in repairs when the folks at Wolf Creek Lodge see your room. And I thought if the Colombian had mistaken you for Carter, other people might too. Of course, you were still unconscious because that drug was pretty powerful. So, I decided to call in a favor, and now we're deep in the Cheyenne Mountain military base while my superiors try to figure out what to do with you until Carolina Carter is caught."

She'd kept herself quiet during his entire explanation, even though she had a thousand questions she wanted ask him, but only one bubbled to the surface now. "Do with me?"

"Well, we don't want people to keep trying to kill you," he said with an elegant shrug. "I mean, I was nice enough to confirm who were, but that was a really angry Colombian. You were unconscious, but believe me, you don't want to have deal with people like that all the time." He gestured at his bloody shirt. "Nasty business."

"No, I suppose not…" she murmured, as she looked over the badge he'd given her. There he was, James Carstairs, staring up at her, with Military Intelligence circling his photo and a very official looking seal embossed across the top. "And, um, what exactly are the plans about me that, that are, uh, being discussed?"

"Well," he said, leaning back on his heels. "We know that you've got a brother in London. How would you feel about visiting him for a bit?"

She stared at him with wide eyes and he cringed a little as he stood up. "Just think about it, for a little bit, okay? I'm going to go see if I can't find you something to eat. Will you be alright?"

She nodded as the overwhelmingness of the whole situation settled over her. He stopped at the door and looked back at her, a small smile playing on his lips. "I almost forgot." He gestured to the table next to her hospital cot. "I got you a new copy of your book. The other one kind of got used to knock out the Colombian." And then he was gone.

She stared at the door for a long moment after he left before turning her gaze to the table. Sure enough, a brand spanking new copy of the book sat there. She grabbed it, just for the feeling of normalcy and comfort holding a book gave her, and a piece of paper fluttered out of the front cover. She was surprised to see that it was a note from him.

 _Tessa,_

 _Sorry about your other book. I'll buy you the rest_

 _of the series too if it'll help make up for this mess._

 _If it means anything to you, I was really glad to_

 _find out that you weren't an international_

 _terrorist._

 _Jem_

 _PS: Sorry for considering killing you too._


	4. What Did You Do to the Canadians?

_"I'm not sure I'm going to kill you yet, but first, either way, what did you do to piss off the Canadians so much?" Cecily x Gabriel_

* * *

Gabriel was having a bit of a bad day. A really, really bad day, actually. The kind of bad day that had started with a botched attempt to covertly borrow some rather sensitive information regarding North American oil from the Canadian Security Intelligence Service and had ended with him on the other side of an exceptionally pretty girl's pistol, which, given that CSIS was still looking for him, was not a position he wanted to be in.

"Whatare you doing in the Consulate-General's office?" she asked. She looked vaguely annoyed, but not particularly startled or afraid, given that he'd just burst through her office's open window. But she'd pulled a gun on him with reflexes that were far too quick for a secretary, even if that was how she was dressed.

"The British Consulate-General?" he asked hopefully, keeping his eyes trained on her gun while he listened for CSIS agents who'd been chasing him. He didn't hear anything, and he relaxed.

"Yes." She didn't lower her gun, but her tone was almost teasing, when she cocked her head to the side, a cascade of dark hair falling over her shoulder, and asked, "Did you have an appointment?"

"Well, no, but-" He was cut off by three angry Canadians jumping through the window in quick succession. This time, her brilliant blue eyes did widen in surprise. He was almost too busy deflecting a blow to the head to notice, but he saw her recover quickly and proceed to handily knock one of the Canadians out with the butt of her pistol.

A few minutes later, his assailants were scattered about the room in various states of unconsciousness. Her glorious, dark hair was a mess and he was bleeding from a cut on his cheek, but they were otherwise uninjured. She was pointing her gun at him again, but she was smiling at him too, if a bit incredulously. "What the hell did you do to make CSIS so angry?"

He wrinkled his nose a little. "I suspect telling them to go fuck a moose was probably what did me in…"

She laughed outloud and lowered her gun. "I'm Cecily Herondale. How can the British Consulate-General's office be of service to you?"

* * *

Thanks very much to ashesandhoney for helping me figure out what Gabriel would have wanted to steal from CSIS. Additionally, I'm not Canadian and I know nothing of CSIS and the British Consulate-General or what their dealings with each other are. Sorry if I've misconstrued anything.


	5. This Guy Was Gonna Kill Me

_7\. "This guy was going to kill me but you showed up and saved the day Hello there" AU Wessa_

"My name's Herondale. Will Herondale. I'm a just a guy who edits books and lied about his name on the guest list and didn't want to get caught. Please don't kill me."

The woman, Carolina Carter, she'd called herself, didn't put down the glittering knife she held. In fact, she stepped closer to where he sat, hands and feet tied to a chair, and pointed the tip of the blade at his jugular. "And why should I believe you? Who do you work for? What do you know about that book?"

"Well, I work for a small publishing company downtown. You've probably never heard of it. Stele Ink? No, I didn't think so." The blade whispered along the skin just about his tuxedo shirt. "Anyway," he rushed to continue, hoping his cover was secure enough for her to believe, "I saw the book in the newspaper yesterday, but the filigree on the spine was different. More of a fleur de lis instead of scrollwork." Now the blade was actually pressed against his skin, the metal cold. He kept talking, as if words alone would save him. He hoped that was the case, because between her burly bodyguards and his tied limbs, he really only had his words, especially since his team didn't know he was here tonight. "If you're interested in buying that book, I'd hang onto my money if I were you. I'm definitely of the opinion that it's a fake."

She pursed her ruby red lips. "Tell, Mr. Herondale, how many books did you publish last year?"

"Me personally?" he choked. "I don't actually do any of the publishing, I just edit manuscripts. But three of my favorites were printed, which is really a shame, because the Macoskey text was just brilliant and I think that-"

"Shut up!" she cried, pulling away from him and dropping the knife back in the case of torture devices she'd laid open on the bed. "I believe that you're not a spy."

He relief coursed through him as he watched her zip up the case, the sparkling metal of several pieces of equipment that looked as though they were better suited for a dentist's office than a lady's luggage disappearing. His relief, however, was short lived. She walked over to the desk and pulled a gun out of the top drawer, and then a silencer. "Unfortunately," she sighed as she screwed the silencer to the end of the gun. "you've seen me now, which means I'm going to have to kill you."

He'd been afraid of that. He closed his eyes and hoped that she'd shoot him in the chest and not the head. He didn't want his mother to see her son without a face. He was glad he'd taken the time to visit Cecily and her new baby, glad he'd hugged his parents one last time. He had always known that he might die. He'd never anticipated that it would be without a fight though.

To his amazement though, a fight happened.

There were shots from outside the hotel room, followed by a furious looking Jem Carstairs bursting through the door with guns blazing. Instinctively, Will lurched to the side, knocking his chair over and tripping one of the burly bodyguards as he attempted to flee. A moment later, that bodyguard was squirming on the ground and the other had dove through the floor to ceiling window behind Will, Carolina Carter close on his heels.

Jem shot him a venomous look and dove out the window behind them, leaving Will laying on the floor, still tied to his chair, with the injured bodyguard. Or so he thought.

A long navy blue silk skirt swished along the carpet before the girl wearing it dropped to her knees in front of him. Her delicate evening gown was mussed, and her dark hair had come loose from its elaborate updo and fell in curls about her pale face. The color of her gown made her usually grey eyes look blue and the fact that he found them so beautiful unnerved him.

"Are you alright?"

Tessa Grey. Jem had almost killed her a few weeks earlier, and then had saved her from a pack of angry Colombian drug lords who thought she was Carolina Carter. Now she was under MI6's protection and Jem had made it his responsibility to see to her safety. He didn't know why she was here tonight, but was glad for it.

"I'm fine, thank you." Her fingers were already working on the knots at his wrists. "But, Tessa, would you do me a favor before you release me and grab that vase over there?" He jutted his chin towards an ornate ceramic vase on the table behind her.

She sat back on her heels and gave him a quizzical look, "Why on earth…"

"Just do it, Tess."

She rose in a swirl of blue silk and moved to the desk, lifted the vase with both hands and turned back to him, her eyebrows raised. He smiled. "Another favor, if you don't mind. Would you be so good as to hit that man over there in the back of the head with your vase? He's injured, but still trying to inch towards the bag with the knives in it and it would give me such peace of mind."

She went even paler, but did as he asked, the vase shattering across the back of the fallen bodyguard's skill. The man fell unconscious and Tessa sprang back from him like he was a snake and then froze.

"Are you alright, Tessa?" Will asked, not able to see her face from where he lay on the floor. "Can you cut me loose now? There should be plenty to help you out in that Chanel bag on the bed."

She came back to herself with a little shake and went over to the bed, selected a knife and knelt back in front of him. She was still incredibly pale, but her fingers were surprisingly steady as she sawed through the cords that bound him.

"How did you know I was here?" he asked as she worked. "I didn't tell anyone. It was just a hunch."

"We didn't, actually," she replied. "Jem saw it in the paper yesterday. He knows that I love _Jane Eyre_ and there was a rare first edition on display tonight. I've been going stir crazy in the safe houses and he thought I'd enjoy it. Which, I, of course, would have, but we got here just in time to see that woman pushing a gun into your back. I didn't even know Jem had guns on him until we got to the door and he-" She broke off, casting her wide gray eyes away from Will's face.

"You've never seen him kill anyone before, have you?" he asked, taking the knife from her with the one hand she'd freed and beginning on the other arm. "You were unconscious the first time."

She nodded. "I knew that this is what he-you do, but I never imagined…I mean, I know it's to keep us regular people safe…" She trailed off again, biting her lip.

"It's alright," Will said gently, kicking away the last of his bindings and scooting close enough to her to take her hand and give it a squeeze. He smiled at her and tried to sound reassuring. "You'll be pleased to know that the woman who did all this told me that her name was Carolina Carter. We're that much closer to catching her and then you can be free of all of this."

He stood, pulling her up with him, and shrugged off his tuxedo jacket to wrap around her bare shoulders. "Come on. We can hunt down Jem and see if we can't sneak a peek at _Jane Eyre_ before we make our report."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** _I took a lot of the dialogue from the beginning directly from Season 1, Episode 3 of_ Chuck _. I started watching it with my dad this weekend and found it quite helpful._


	6. Naked In My Bed

_So, this is the result of a different Tumblr prompt, but it ended up being part of this story, so here you go._

 ** _Prompt 6: Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?_**

As far as safe houses went this one was pretty nice. She'd spent a lot of time in safe houses since she'd been mistaken for international weapons dealer Carolina Carter six months ago, so she knew what she was talking about when it came to the varying levels of comfort that safe houses provided. This one, for example, had windows and plants and wasn't even a concrete bunker. There was a room with a relatively nice sofa in it and absolutely no instruments employed in counter-terrorism, which was a nice change of pace, comparatively speaking. There were no books, which was lamentable, but at least there was an honest-to-God plant in her room and a decent wifi connection, not that she was allowed to use her phone, but at least Netflix worked.

It was the Netflix that had caused this problem. If she'd been in her bed instead of asleep on the couch after binge watching every instillation of _Cosmos_ , she wouldn't have had to stumble to her little room at three o'clock in the morning. Damn Neil deGrasse Tyson and his deep, soothing voice for lulling her into a state of complacency.

Someone was in Tessa's bed.

She hadn't realized that fact until she'd pulled back the blankets and went from barely conscious to completely alert in two seconds flat, a scream filling her throat. Before she had time to think about assassins come to kill her in the night, the body was moving. Hands seized her arms and she was thrown across the tiny room. She landed with enough force to knock the air out of her with gasp. Light burst from behind her eyelids and while her brain was screaming at her to get up and run away, goddammit, all she could do was lay there and try to force the air back into her lungs.

A second later, her bedside lamp switched on, which she found to be a funny move on her assassin's part and Jem Carstairs' voice was saying in an oddly strained way, "Tessa?"

At first she thought he was here to save her from her would-be assassin, but as she vision cleared, she saw that _he_ was the one who'd thrown her across the room. Or at least, that was what made the most sense, considering that he was jumping out of her bed _without a stitch of clothing on_ and rushing to her side and there was no one else in the room that she could see.

"Tess, what in god's name are you doing here?"

"Going to bed," she croaked, rolling onto her side, trying to look anywhere but at his gloriously naked body. She took a deep breath and coughed, "Is there a reason you're naked in my bed?"

He jerked back from her with with a start and grabbed at the disheveled bedclothes in a mad attempt to cover himself up, his pale cheeks suddenly bright pink. "Y-your room is supposed to be down the hall."

Tessa would have laughed if her lungs didn't hurt. "I asked if I could move right after you left. This room has a window."

"Oh," he said, his eyes wide. "I didn't realize."

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice sounding more normal now that he was covered. "I thought you and Will were in Sweden."

"We were," he said, organizing the sheets a little more firmly around him. "But that turned into a chase that lasted 72 hours and ended in an aquarium just south of here. Which, incidentally, is why I ended up naked in your bed. I wanted to surprise you in the morning, but we got in just after midnight and I was soaked to the bone and dead tired and…"he trailed off and smiled sheepishly at her. "Surprise."

"An aquarium?" she asked.

"It's a long story," he said with an elegant shrug made all the more alluring by the fact that there was nothing covering his muscled shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"I'm just glad you're not an assassin," she muttered, looking away from his bare chest. He might've been doing his job when he kissed her and took her to his room back in Pagosa Springs, but she had been overwhelmed by his existence from the moment he sat down across from her in the cantina and that feeling had only grown in the months since. She didn't didn't he knew how big her crush on him was. Ever since that night, he'd done nothing to make her think that he felt anything for her beyond a sense of duty.

"Oh God," he murmured and dragged a hand over his face. "I'm so sorry, Tess. I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay," she said, and then added in a much softer voice. "I'm glad you're back."

His smile made her heart ache. "Are you sure you're alright?"

She wasn't. She would never be alright with the fact that she had learned to worry about things like assassins in her bed or how to get the best room in a safe house. But, more than that, she would never be alright with the fact that he'd come into her life and seduced her by accident. She would never be alright with the fact that she hoped that international arms dealer and all-around bad person Carolina Carter would never be caught because once she was, Tessa would never see Jem again. These things bothered her greatly, especially since she was pretty sure the same thoughts never occurred to him.

She forced herself to match his smile. "I'm good, really."


	7. Fake Engagement Part 1

_**Author's note:** This particular Spy AU idea has been floating around in my head since I rewatched The Man From UNCLE. It's basically just a bunch of loosely connected scenes that let me play around with one of my favorite tropes. They aren't edited, but they're kinda fun and I do hope you enjoy reading them as much as I've enjoyed writing them,  
_

* * *

 **Fake Engaged AU, Part 1**

"How would you feel about visiting your brother?"

Tessa looked up the toast and tea she was making for breakfast to see Will and Jem in the kitchen doorway. Well, Will was leaning against the doorframe, his beautifully muscled body framed by the doorway, while Jem peered at her over his partner's shoulder. She was struck momentarily dumb, as she always was when the two of them were in the same place at the same time, as if her brain could quite process so much male beauty all at once.

Not mention the fact that the last time she'd seen Special Agent James Carstairs, he'd been backing out of her tiny bedroom wearing nothing but her sheets around his waist.

Jem misinterpreted her silence and pushed past Will with concern plainly written on his face. "Tessa, you don't have to."

She hadn't seen Nate in years. He'd left her in New York, promising that he'd send for her as soon as he had enough money, promising that she could go to school in London and that they would take care of each other. She'd done the research, found a good school with an excellent writing program and a hefty amount of scholarships. She'd applied for a student visa and gotten it, only to have Nate tell her again and again that he just needed a few more months.

And then one day she'd called him and learned from an automated recording that the number she had dialed was no longer in service. And then he'd stopped replying to her emails. Now, she only knew that he was alive because of the random shit he shared on his Twitter account. She'd never stopped caring about her brother, but she'd moved past the idea of ever seeing him again. Until now.

The British government must be tired of protecting her and shuffling her about from safehouse to safehouse across the continent. Surely they had better things to spend their money on. But it would also be safer for her to stay with Nate than to go back to the U.S. and potentially face misguided drug lords alone, so of course the boys would want her to go there. It made the most sense really.

"It's alright, Jem." She shot him a smile. "I understand. I'll pack up after breakfast and be ready to leave whenever you want."

Behind Jem, Will was frowning. "I don't think you do quite understand."

"MI-6 doesn't have the time or the money to protect one girl. It's easier for everyone if I stay with Nate. I understand."

"Oh, Tessa, no," Jem said at the same time as Will started laughing and gasped, "I wish it were as simple as that."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, looking from one to the other, her tea and toast completely forgotten on the counter. "What's going on?"

Will met her eyes evenly, still leaning against the doorframe. "There is some intelligence that has led Commander Branwell to believe that your brother maybe involved in a weapons trafficking operation directly related to Carolina Carter." Tessa's jaw dropped, but Will kept talking. "We have intelligence that says he's receiving a shipment of weapons in a week. Our mission is to infiltrate his group and intercept those weapons while learning as much as we can about the connection to Carter. And Commander Branwell thinks that we need you in order to do so."

"You don't have to do it, Tessa." Jem took another step towards her as if to take her hands, but stopped himself at the last minute. "Even if it weren't absurdly dangerous, I know how you feel about your brother. We can find another way to get the information. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable doing."

"What exactly do you need me to do?" she asked.

Jem's face immediately went pink. "The Commander thinks that you should go visit your brother on the pretense that you'd like Nathaniel to meet your fiance."

"My...oh." She felt her cheeks start to warm. "And which one of you drew the short straw?"

"The Commander felt that with your...pre-established relationship, it might be easier on you if James was the fake fiance," Will answered. And then with a waggle of his eyebrows, "Although I did offer."

Tessa didn't bother to resist the urge to roll her eyes at the suggestive tone in Will's voice. It was easier to roll her eyes at Will than it was to think about the implications of pretending to be Jem's fiancee.

"Of course I'll do it," she managed to say with a remarkably steady voice, in spite of the alarm bells going off inside her head. She had learned the hard way that, where Nate was involved, it was best to stay away. But if her brother was involved with an international arms dealer, she needed to get to him, to try to convince him to leave while he was still alive. "Whatever you need. It's the least I can do."

* * *

A week later, Tessa and Jem were sitting in a rental car in front of her brother's apartment building and she was trying very hard not to let her nerves show. Not that she should have bothered. She and Jem had spent the last week getting to know each other, or. at least, the versions of themselves they were presenting to Nate, very intimately. It had been work to hide things from him before, but after the grueling week of couple's training it was impossible to hide anything from him.

Now, Jem leaned across the center console and took her hand. They'd been practicing touching each other for a week too. They went for walks around the safehouse holding hands. She had laid her head on his shoulder while watching a movie. He kissed her knuckles and the top of her head at random throughout the day. Even so, she still jumped when he touched her like a jolt of electricity was shooting through her.

This was not fake-couple touching. This was Jem, the special agent, her protector and her friend, reaching out to her to make sure she was alright. She wrapped her fingers around his and hung on tight.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, giving her fingers a squeeze, the fake engagement ring he'd given her that morning glinting in the weak sunlight. "We can go back now. Tell him that something came up and we'll find you someplace safe to ride this thing out. Just say the word and it's done."

"I'm okay," she sighed as she squeezed his hand back. "It's just...These aren't quite the circumstances I'd imagined when I thought about seeing my brother again. That's all."

He smiled sympathetically. "I would make it different for you if I could."

"I know." She pulled her hand away and smoothed her hair down instead. "Today's the easy day, right?"

"The worst part will be seeing him again for the first time, but then we're going to claim jetlag and go to our hotel," Jem confirmed. "Only a couple hours tops."

"Okay." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before pasting a smile onto her face. "Let's get this over with."

In spite of her best efforts, when Tessa saw her brother again for the first time in years, she had to choke back tears.

Nate met her and Jem in the lobby and swept her up into a bear hug. When he was done spinning her around, she was breathless and laughing in spite of herself. Her brother was certainly a lot of things, but when he was happy, his mood was infectious.

She was somewhere between laughing and crying when she introduced her brother to Jem. "Nate, this is James, my fiance."

"Fiance?" Nate exclaimed with a raised eyebrow. "I didn't even know you had a boyfriend."

Tessa had to force herself to keep the smile on her face, knowing that over the years she could have shaved her head and gotten married and given birth to a monkey and her brother wouldn't have known or cared. Nate only cared about the people who were right in front of his face, or else he forgot about them entirely.

"It was a quick courtship," Jem said smoothly, his hand coming to rest on the small of her back. "I knew from day one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It's nice to meet you."

He extended his hand and Nate clasped it with an easy enough smile. "Welcome to the family, I guess. Let's get you upstairs, there's some associates of mine I'd like you to meet before the big shindig tomorrow night."

Nate's apartment was far nicer than Tessa had been expecting. In spite of the dossier that Will had shown her before they left, she'd hoped that the government had somehow had made a mistake. Those hopes were shattered when the elevator opened up directly into a penthouse suite. The apartment was huge and ornate to the point of being gaudy and she also knew that there was no way her brother was capable of making the kind of money that would pay for a posh place like the one before her without engaging some sort of criminal activity.

"Tessie, meet my friends. This is Mo, Clyde, and Axel. Boys, meet my baby sister and her man, James."

Mo and Clyde were in front of a giant flat screen TV, video game controllers in hand, and they only grunted in acknowledgement of her brother's words. Axel, on the other hand, had been staring out the window and when Nate spoke, he turned slowly to face them. He was a handsome man, and was dressed so impeccably that Tessa felt shabby in her jeans. His pale grey gaze drifted towards them, locking on Tessa and sliding so slowly up body that it made her feel like she wasn't wearing a stitch of clothing, shabby or not. She automatically took a step back as he crossed the room, his hand reaching out towards her. But before he could touch her, Jem stepped smoothly in front of her, his hand outstretched.

"Nice to meet you, Axel," Jem said, his voice low and dangerous in spite of his pleasant words as he grasped the other man's hand. "Any friend of Nate's is a friend of ours, right, darling?"

Jem turned to her then and Tessa let him pull her to his side, pressing her tightly against him, one arm wrapped loosely around her shoulders. She gave Johnny a little wave of acknowledgment and laid her head against Jem's shoulder. "It's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine." Axel said, dropping Jem's hand like it was something filthy and locking his eyes on hers and giving her a cool smile. "Do let me know if there's anything at all I can do to make your stay in London more . . . _pleasurable._ "

"Dude," Nate said, punching Axel lightly on the shoulder. "Knock of the smooth talk. She's engaged and you're way too old for her."

The smile didn't budge, but Tessa thought she saw something flicker in his icy gaze.

"You're hosting the gala tomorrow, aren't you?" she asked, looking up at Axel through her lashes. "I'm sure London's foster care system is incredibly grateful for your patronage."

"The unloved orphans of this city have always held a special place in my heart," Axel said, but there was no emotion in his voice. "I am happy to be in a position to help them."

Tessa knew for a fact that this was completely untrue. The gala and silent auction Axel Mortmain was hosting the next evening was just a means to an end. One of the items up for auction (Jem and Will weren't sure which one), housed a thumb drive with the encryption codes for Carolina Carter's latest weapons shipment. Tomorrow night's gala would host some of the world's most notorious terrorists and crime lords. Any money raised on behalf of London's foster care system would go directly into Mortmain's pockets. At least, that's what Will had told her.

"Thank you, by the way, for securing us tickets," Jem said, smiling his most genuine smile. "Tess was so disappointed that Nate wasn't going to be free the one weekend we're in the country."

"My pleasure," Mortmain said. "Anything for Nathaniel. He's one of my most promising employees."

* * *

The hotel that the British government had booked for them was beyond anything Tessa had ever dreamed. Unlike Nate's gaudily ornate apartment, the hotel room was lavish without being over the top. From the California king sized bed, to the Jacuzzi tub, to the granite and stainless steel kitchenette, the space was designed for ultimate relaxation and comfort.

Unfortunately, Tessa had no time to appreciate it.

Will had turned out to be the bellboy who brought their bags up to the room after Jem and Tessa checked in and they'd started planning immediately. Apparently, while they had been out to dinner with Nate, Will had discovered the warehouse where a cache of nuclear weapons was supposed to be hidden and now required Jem to help him do recon of the area. As they talked, they scoured the room for bugs, while Tessa went to start unpacking. When she unzipped the first bag and found two guns and several rounds of ammo nestled on top of her clothes, she gasped so loudly that the boys stopped mid conversation.

"Are you alright?" Will asked. "Did you find a bug?"

She withdrew one of the guns from the suitcase, holding it carefully, just like Jem had showed her months ago. "I just don't recall packing an arsenal this morning."

"That's because I repacked your bag for you," Will replied. "I also swapped out a few of your outfits for things that are a little more sexy. You're welcome."

"What?" Tessa cried, face flushing as she thought about Will going through her socks and underwear. "What was wrong with the clothes I packed?"

"Nothing, if you don't want anyone to notice you."

Tessa thought about Johnny's eyes sliding up and down her body and cringed at the thought of wearing something sexy in that man's presence.

"I don't think that will be a problem," Jem said, his voice tight, and Tessa knew he was thinking about Johnny too.

"Well we want her to be a distraction tomorrow night, don't we? She wasn't going to be particularly distracting in that navy blue number you picked out for her."

"It brings out her eyes," Jem grumbled.

"Well the dress I packed will bring out her eyes _and_ emphasize her excellent figure." Will retorted with a wicked grin.

"Did my opinion on my clothing matter to you at all?" Tessa asked, incredulous.

Will shrugged. "Not particularly. I've got a lot more experience with missions like this than you do."

"I have just as much experience as you do and I thought the dress was just fine," Jem said with a frown.

"Ah, but you, my friend, do not possess my exceptional sartorial sense."

"What I am supposed to do with all these guns?" Tessa asked, gesturing at the pile of weaponry that she'd amassed next to her suitcase.

"I'll take care of them,' Jem said, kneeling next to her and scooping the guns into his arms. "I need to gear up for the recon mission anyways."

He proceeded to strap most of the guns onto his body while Will gave him directions to their meeting place.

"See you in fifteen minutes," Will said, but instead of leaving, he stood in the open doorway waggling his eyebrows.

"Was there something else?" Jem asked.

"It is customary to provide your bellboy with a generous tip in a hotel as posh as this one…" Will replied. "How would it look to the other bellboys if I showed up without a tip from the couple staying in the hotel's most expensive room?"

Jem sighed and pulled a note out of his wallet. "I know for certain you are not going to go down and join the other bellboys in comparing your tips."

"Appearances, James, are everything," Will said with a wink in Tessa's direction. And then, more loudly, "Thank you very much, sir. Please call the front desk if you need anything at all."

Jem rolled his eyes and shut the door in Will's face.

"Will you be alright here by yourself?" he asked, turning back to face her. Tessa took a look around the giant hotel room, her eyebrows raised.

"I think I'll be fine."

"There's a delivery van across the street full of agents that are keeping an eye on the hotel's front doors, just in case. But I'll only be gone for a few hours, so you won't be unprotected for very long."

"This is significantly better than the last place," Tessa said, trying to keep her voice light in spite of the fear that was settling into her stomach. She hadn't been truly alone in months. There had always been security or a special agent nearby and while those circumstances were generally uncomfortable and occasionally unpleasant, at least she was never in an physical danger.

It wasn't even so much that she was afraid for herself, although after nearly being assassinated, she now always carried around a certain amount of fear. But the fact that Will and Jem were also risking themselves during this mission made her incredibly nervous, even if she knew that they were trained agents who put their lives on the line every day. But this situation was different and if either of them were hurt because of her or Nate, she would never forgive herself.

"Tess?" Jem was looking at her with concern in his eyes. "Will can do the recon on his own if you want me to stay with you. It's okay, really."

As appealing as asking Jem to stay with her was, the idea of Will being alone in a potentially dangerous was enough to deter her.

"I'll be fine, Jem. Really. I mean, just look at that bathtub." She gestured towards the Jacuzzi and smiled. "This place is like a spa. I won't even notice that you're gone"

"Alright." He looked skeptical and she made her smile brighter to compensate. "I'll only be a few hours. Back before you know it."

* * *

Jem had been gone for five and a half hours and Tessa was a little drunk and trying very hard to become frantic with worry.

She'd taken a long, hot bath. She'd started watching a movie on the giant TV screen. She'd helped herself to the contents of the mini fridge and drank one of the tiny bottles inside it to make her feel sleepy. She'd wrapped herself in the fluffy white comforter and willed herself to go to sleep. When that hadn't worked, she'd moved to the couch with two more of the tiny bottles from the mini fridge and started a movie.

Now the movie credits were playing and she sat in a nest of blankets and empty shooters, staring at the door. She regretted the second trip to the mini fridge because the drinking had just made it hard for her to leave the hotel room and go searching for them. If she'd been sober, she would have done it, despite the fact that Jem had told her before he left not to leave the hotel room for any reason.

Even if she weren't drunk, it would be stupid to go searching for them. They were trained professionals and there was a good reason they'd left her in the hotel room. It was safer for everybody this way. Especially since her head spun ever so slightly when she closed her eyes.

She sighed and went back to staring at the door, willing Jem to walk through it.

He didn't.

* * *

She woke to the door crashing open and Jem flying through it with a gun drawn. The scream that had tried to claw it's way up her throat died as he raised a finger to his lips and slipped further into the room. She'd left several lights on, and, to her inexperienced eye, the room presented no immediate threats. Even so, she eased herself off the couch and searched for the nearest available weapon, just in case. She'd just raised a small marble statuette, holding it like a baseball bat, when Jem reappeared, his gun nowhere in sight and small smile tugging on the corners of his lips.

"It's alright, Tessa. You're safe." he said, taking the statuette from her and putting it back on the table she'd grabbed it from. "The room's clean."

Tessa blinked, the alcohol and adrenaline combining in her bloodstream and making it hard to focus. "What was that all about?"

"The surveillance team thought they saw someone on the balcony." His voice was tight. "I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"Oh," she breathed. The room suddenly felt terribly hot. Spots blurred the edges of her vision. "I see."

"Tess?" He was closer to her now, his hands on her shoulders. "Are you alright?"

She took a deep breath to try to steady herself, but swayed on her feet anyway. And then there was a dizzying moment where she didn't know which way was up before she realized that Jem had swept her up into his arms and was craddling her close.

"It's okay, Tessa. You're safe. Let's get you to bed. It's okay, I've got you."

"Jem..." she whispered. There had been more to the sentence, but whatever it had been evaporated as she tried to make the room stop spinning.

His grip on her tightened. She could've sworn his lips brushed her forehead before he said, "I'm here, Tess. I've got you."

The room was still tilting dangerously and she buried her face in his neck to block it out.

"Where've you been?" she asked, her lips grazing his skin as she spoke.

"The whole thing took longer than we thought it would." He shifted her in his arms and then leaned down to grab the comforter off of the couch. "I'll tell you about it in the morning."

"Are you okay?" She leaned away from his neck in order to frown up at him. "Is Will…?"

"We're both fine." Jem's voice was reassuring as he laid her down on the giant bed and gently pried her arms from about his neck. He covered her with the comforter and smoothed the hair off of her face, letting his fingers linger against her cheek. "You need to rest, Tessa."

"Stay with me?" she asked, nuzzling her face into his hand. She never would have said anything like that when she was fully awake. They had discussed sleeping arrangements earlier and he'd insisted on sleeping on the couch, on putting himself between her and the door. She would be horrified with herself in the morning, but right now she was tipsy and sleepy and she wanted him close.

"Of course." His voice was so soft she almost didn't hear it. "Whatever you want."

He removed his jacket and kicked his shoes off before laying down next to her, just close enough so that she could reach him if she needed to, but not so close as to be considered intimate. She was nearly asleep when he reached out and wove his fingers together with hers.

* * *

"Tessa? Tess, we're supposed to meet your brother for breakfast." A warm hand gently shook her shoulder. "We need to get up."

Tessa realized, ever so slowly and then all at once, that she was laying with her cheek on Jem's chest and that one of his arms draped loosely around her shoulders. Her arm was around his waist and she could feel the edge of his jaw against the top of her head when he spoke.

She sprang away from him with a squeak. "I am so sorry."

"Good morning to you too." He sat up and smiled at her sheepishly. "I'm the one who should apologize. I shouldn't have, but when I woke up, you were sleeping so soundly and…" He bit his lip and shook his head. "It was very unprofessional and I won't let it happen again."

Her face flamed red at the thought of clinging to James Carstairs in her sleep and she jumped out of bed and ran to the walk-in closet in order to hide her embarrassment.

"What happened last night?" she called to him as she dressed. "You were only supposed to be gone for a few hours."

"Some unforeseen complications arose. Will nearly drowned." Jem called cheerfully back to her. When she poked her head out of the closet to say something alarmed, he laughed at her. "Don't worry. He brought it on himself. And he's fine."

* * *

 _Stay tuned for Part 2, which involves a fancy party, a revealing dress, and having to make out for security reasons._


	8. Fake Engagement Part 2

**Fake Engaged AU, Part 2**

"See, I told you it would bring out her eyes."

It was the first thing out of Will's mouth when Tessa emerged from the walk-in closet and his tone of voice when he said it was just appreciative enough to keep her from turning around and changing into sweatpants. If Jem hadn't been sitting next to him on the couch, she might have done it anyway. But, he was sitting there and he was wearing beautifully made tuxedo pants and a crisp white shirt and he was looking at her with something akin to awe on his face. It took him only a moment to compose himself and turn a little pink and it was somehow enough to propel her forward and she smiled back at him in spite of her discomfort.

"It is a, ah, a very nice color on you," he said as she approached.

The charcoal silk dress did bring out her eyes, she had to give Will that. Although, that was if anyone looking at her could get past the thigh high slit in the trumpet skirt, or the open back, or the deep V that ended in the middle of her sternum. If anyone managed to get past the vast expanses of bare skin and shapely limbs that the dress revealed, then the dress' color did darken her eyes so that they shone out of her face.

"I told you so," Will repeated. "It's alright if you don't want to admit that I have a superior sartorial sense. I'll settle for you admitting that no one will be able to take their eyes of her tonight."

"I wasn't aware that was one of our goals," Jem murmured as he stood and shrugged on his tuxedo jacket. She noted that the tux was the perfect shade of dark grey to compliment her gown and she wondered if it had been his idea or Will's.

"It never hurts to have a pretty girl in a beautiful dress available to distract the attention of every man in the room," Will said with a shrug. "Just in case."

"For someone with a superior fashion sense, your outfit it pretty awful," Tessa quipped, eager to get the attention off of her. "What kind of charity gala are you going to?"

Will sighed heavily, "Alas, I am a bartender this evening. My outfit is the unfortunate result of trying to match your staff's uniform to your ballroom's wallpaper."

"The wallpaper is purple?" she asked, eyebrows raised.

"Mauve actually," he replied without blinking. "And that dress will be striking against that backdrop."

"I think you missed your calling, William," Jem muttered. He picked a slim black velvet box off of the coffee table and handed it to Tessa with an exaggerated bow. "For my bride-to-be."

She opened the box and sighed dramatically at its contents. "Oh darling, you shouldn't have."

Inside was a sparkling diamond bracelet, a tiny earpiece, and a slender stiletto knife that was no longer than her pinkie. Jem lifted the bracelet from the box and helped her clasp it around her wrist.

"There's a tiny microphone in here," he said, gesturing to the stone closest to the clasp. "It's very sensitive, so you won't have to talk into your wrist or anything that would look too out of the ordinary. We'll be able to hear everything you say. There's also a GPS device in it, so if we get separated, I'll be able to find you"

"Why would we be separated?" she asked, her voice coming out higher than she'd meant it.

"It's just a precaution," Jem said, taking both her hands and giving them a squeeze. "Either Will or I will have eyes on you all night."

"And you'll be able to hear us through the earpiece, of course," Will chimed in, his keen eyes observing how Jem's long fingers were still wrapped tightly around hers. Tessa noticed his attention and blushed as she withdrew from Jem and reached for the earpiece.

"And what I am I supposed to do with the knife?" she asked as she slipped it into place in place. "Do you expect me to need it?"

"Just another precaution," Jem soothed.

"And there should be a sheath in the lace at the top of your stockings," Will supplied. "You are wearing the stockings I packed for you, aren't you?"

She was. She just didn't want to reveal the tops of her thighs to both of them in order to put the stiletto in place. Jem sensed her unease and shot her an apologetic look.

"I should have given you the knife before you got dressed, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'll just be a minute," she said as she ducked back into the closet.

"Careful!" Will called after her. "The tip of that thing is dipped in an absurdly potent and fast acting sedative."

* * *

The coat check girl took Tessa's wrap and Tessa shivered in spite of the fact that the hotel's lobby was almost balmy. Jem put his hand on the small of her back and then withdrew it immediately when she jumped as his fingers brushed against her bare skin. He recovered quickly and took her hand instead, leaning towards her as if to kiss the top of her head.

"I don't doubt that you can do this," he whispered into her hair. "But if you're uncomfortable, we can leave now and it will be alright."

"He's lying, Tess." Will's voice in her earpiece made it sound like he was standing right next to her. "If you back out now, Carolina Carter gets away with one more thing and you get to spend more time in Her Majesty's best safe houses. This is one of the best shots we've had in months and it could change the whole game. No pressure, of course."

She blanched slightly and looked up at Jem, who smiled at her and then surprised both of them by actually pressing his lips to her temple. "You are going to be fantastic." He drew away from her and offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

She was so busy blushing as Jem led her to their table that she didn't notice that their tablemates included Axel Mortmain until she was sitting next to him.

"Axel," she said, hoping her voice didn't convey too much dismay. Most of tonight's plan relied on the fact that Mortmain would be too busy entertaining her guests to notice what she and Jem were doing. "How kind of you to get us seats at your own table."

Mortmain took her hand in his and lifted it to his lips in greeting. "Only the best for Nathaniel's family. May I say that you look magnificent tonight?"

"Doesn't she?" Jem asked as he reached around her to shake Mortmain's hand and forcing him to release her. "I just can't believe the things the color does for her eyes."

"Yes, her eyes…" Mortmain murmured, his eyes raking up and down Tessa's form before he composed himself. "So Nate tells me that he spent the day showing the two of you about the city. What was your favorite part?"

Tessa forced a smile onto her face. "I couldn't possibly pick one thing! There was just so much...I especially loved the place we went to lunch, what was it, Nate?" She glanced across that table at her brother, but Nate wasn't paying attention to her. He was scanning the room as if he were searching for something or someone and it made Tessa nervous. "Um, Nate?"

"The Moro, darling," Jem said smoothly. "Nathaniel said that it's one of your favorite places."

"I adore North African cuisine," Mortmain replied. "In fact, I specifically requested that several of tonight's dishes reflect Moro's menu."

Tessa turned to Jem. "Speaking of which, are your feeling better, my love?" This question was carefully planned. In order for Jem to slip away and hunt for the thumb drive, the plan was that he was going to feign illness. She leaned conspiratorially towards Mortmain and stage whispered, "I'm afraid my fiance may have indulged a little heartily at lunch and is paying the price for it now."

Jem winced and Mortmain laughed out loud. "It certainly doesn't agree with everyone. I hope you can stomach tonight's entree."

Jem shook his head and smiled wryly. "I hope I can too."

Dinner went smoothly, although Jem didn't have a chance to slip away. Instead of paying attention to his other guests, Mortmain remained fixated on Tessa. Nate eventually determined that he wasn't going to find whatever he'd been scanning the room for earlier and lapsed into telling stories about their childhood, pausing only to look over his shoulder like he was certain he would find someone with a gun standing behind him. Tessa laughed in all the right places and added details when Nate forgot and Jem chuckled and gazed at her adoringly while Will muttered sarcastic quips into their ears that made Tessa choke on her water twice. When the dessert plates were finally cleared away, the master of ceremonies announced that the dancing portion of the evening was about to commence and Mortmain turned to Tessa with a chagrined smile.

"As the host of this event, it is my responsibility to open the ball with the first dance. Unfortunately, the lady I had in mind was unable to attend tonight. Would you do me the honor?"

Tessa's jaw dropped and she shot Jem a nervous look. He smiled and patted her hand. "You're such a marvelous dancer, darling. You must do it."

"You really must," Will said in her ear. "It's the perfect chance for Jem to slip away unnoticed. Besides, that dress was made to be shown off."

She had to force herself to resist rolling her eyes and smile instead. "I would be delighted."

Mortmain beamed at her. "Fantastic. I believe the first dance is a tango, but I can instruct the maestro to change it if you don't know how."

"She's quite good at the tango," Jem said before she could answer. "We've been practicing for the wedding. Tessa's a natural."

He wasn't lying. Two hours a day of their prep work for this mission had involved dance lessons with the terrifying Mme. Morel, an ex-ballerina who'd convinced MI-6 that she was essential to their success in the field. Tessa now knew the basics of most ballroom dances and even looked like she knew what she was doing when Jem (who was a truly fantastic dancer) was leading her around the floor. But the one time Jem hadn't been able to make it to their lesson due to a mission briefing, she'd had to dance with a guard and it had been awful, even though Gabriel Lightwood had been what Mme. Morel declared a sufficient partner.

But the tango was a dance she could manage and, as Will said, it was the perfect opportunity, so she beamed at Mortmain and told him the tango would be wonderful.

* * *

Dancing the tango with Mortmain was not wonderful.

She was worried about Jem, who'd slipped away almost immediately after the first notes of the opening song filled the air. He and Will were having a conversation that was being transmitted over her earpiece and it was distracting her terribly.

And then there was Mortmain himself. His hands were cold and dry and when he put them on her body she had to stop herself from cringing. He executed every step perfectly and kept the dance fairly simple, but even so she had a hard time keeping up. He held her more closely and tightly than the dance required. She did her best to follow his lead, but so far it wasn't going particularly smoothly.

"Relax, Tess. You're doing great. Jem's halfway there by now."

Will broke his conversation with Jem off to coach her, his voice low and soothing and she did relax at the sound of it. Questionable taste in formalwear aside, Will had never let her down. He had taken just as good care of her as Jem had over the last six months. Furthermore, he was always forthright with her and if he said she was doing great, then she would believe him.

"Smile like you mean it, Tessa," he continued. "There you go. The song's nearly over and Jem's not back yet. You might have to dance with him again."

Mortmain spun her again and pulled her back to his front while running his hands down her sides. It was a fairly typical move in the tango, but it made all of her insides crawl. He wasn't touching her like she was a person. He ran his hands over her like a thing that he wanted and it sickened her.

"Just a little longer." Will's voice was still light and comforting. "Just a little longer and then when we have him in custody and I'll break his fingers for touching you like that, okay?"

She didn't doubt that he meant it, even if he'd sounded like he was bribing a small child with candy in exchange for a promise of being good. In any other situation, she might have smiled. She risked glancing over Mortmain's shoulder at the bar and saw Will staring at her intently, and the smile on his face was sharp enough to cut steel.

Thankfully, the song ended soon thereafter. Mortmain released her and bowed and she executed a curtsy that would have made Mme. Morel proud while the other couples on the dance floor applauded. The notes of a much slower song filled the air and Tessa was about to ask Mortmain if he'd dance with her again when she felt a warm hand on her lower back.

"You were marvelous, darling," Jem murmured next to her ear. And then louder, "I'll take it from here, sir."

Mortmain graciously handed Tessa over to Jem and it was all she could do not to collapse into his arms. Even so, she couldn't keep herself from shaking as Jem led her through the steps of a dance she didn't know. Luckily, he was a good enough dancer that it didn't matter.

"Are you alright?" Jem asked, pulling her closer to him than was probably strictly necessary for the dance. "I'm sorry I couldn't get away earlier in the evening. I'm sorry that you had to dance with him."

"Did you find it?" she asked, not answering his question because she didn't want him to realize how unnerved she was. "Was it in the frame like Will suspected?"

"No," he said as he spun her beneath his arm and pulled her close again. "But we'll look for it together. You're with me for the rest of the night, okay?"

For once, there was no argument from Will in her ear, so she nodded and let him lead her around the dance floor. His warmth enveloped her and comforted her enough that she actually started enjoying the dance and was a little disappointed when it ended.

* * *

They slipped away a few songs later, hoping that since the thumb drive wasn't in as auction item, as Jem and Will had suspected, it would be in the suit of rooms Mortmain had rented as the staging grounds for the gala. They had nearly reached the set of rooms when two male voices floated towards them from the end of the hall.

Jem reacted quickly and before Tessa even realized what was happening, he'd grabbed her and pressed her against the nearest wall. He kept one hand against the wall and dragged the other down her leg until he reached the back of her knee. As he hitched her knee up towards his hip, he dropped his mouth to hers and kissed her.

His kiss was soft, and in the back of her mind she knew that he meant it only to look like a passionate embrace, that he didn't mean it, just like he hadn't meant the kiss back in the Colorado ski resort. And yet Tessa's body responded before her brain caught up with what she was doing. One hand went up to wrap around his neck, while the other gripped his waist just above the hip he had her leg pressed against. And then she kissed him back.

When she pulled him closer, he froze for the briefest of moments before returning the kiss with increased fervor. He pressed himself even closer to her, so close that she could feel the heat of his body through his layers of formalwear. The hand that had been against the wall wrapped around her back, and his fingers were five points of electricity against her bare skin. She couldn't help the little moan as his tongue swiped across her lower lip, or the way she shuddered against him when she allowed him access to her mouth.

Whoever he'd kissed her in the hopes of avoiding quickly walked past them, paying little attention to the lovers in the otherwise deserted hallway, but he didn't stop kissing her. His fingers explored the expanse of her back and stroked along the leg he had pulled against his side while her fingers tangled in his hair. She could have happily stayed in that hallway kissing him until the end of time and probably would have if Will's voice hadn't sounded in her ear.

"What's going on you two? You should be close to the safe by now."

Jem lifted his mouth from hers, but didn't let go of her waist, keeping their bodies pressed close. "We ran into someone in the hallway. Had to take evasive measures. We're good now."

And then he released her leg and covered the microphone on her bracelet with one hand, leaning in so close that she felt his breath caressing the shell of her ear as he spoke. "When this is over and we're not at a terrorist's dinner party, I am going to spend a whole day taking my time kissing you properly."

And then he kissed her again, hard and quick, before pulling away from her and taking her hand in his and pulling her down the empty hallway.

* * *

 **Notes:** _This is not a story with any resolution. This is an excuse for me to write Tessa and Jem in a fake relationship and a real makeout. If you were after a story with a resolution, I'm afraid you shall have to live with the disappointment. If that is the most disappointing part of your day, I envy you greatly._


End file.
